The great thing about camping, even with a caravan, is that you have to go outside first thing in the morning to use the bathroom. We have set our van up for sleeping only, so we are forced to eat and live outside.
Living outside was something that I thought I would miss with moving our camping arrangement from a tent to a caravan. There is research into camping in the elements (not in a caravan by the way) having the ability to assist in insomnia as well as outdoor activity camps assisting in the recovery of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. When I lived in the desert, I spent a lot of time outside. It might explain why I gravitate to relocating West.
This morning I stepped (stumbled) outside to a beautiful (glaring, blinding) day upon waking (being jolted from a deep sleep by Master X. requiring a feed and a cuddle), ate my breakfast under the trees and then took myself down to the Murrumbidgee for a swim.
It was the best start to a day that I have had in a long time. My head was clear, quiet.
Last night, Master X. and Mr. A. slept easily. It took me a long time to shut down. I tried reading ‘New Moon’ (I am choosing easy reading in worlds that exist so far from my reality), listening to music (thank you beautiful serenading of London Grammar). After consuming half a sleeping tablet two hours later at 12am, I was still wired awake. I was not anxious, no cycle of thoughts, and no vicious thoughts, but I was awake. Very awake.
I feel like my thoughts are improving. It could be the Risperidone. It could be the bush. It could be both. However, my sleep is still ostentatious. Even day naps I cannot seem to shut down to sleep.
The writing seems to have helped in the uncovering of cycles, which up to now have infested my existence. My existence is beginning to feel like a life.
I just wish that I could sleep.
If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide please contact Lifeline immediately 13 11 14