Trying to sleep with new medication at New Year

‘You’ll take motherhood in your stride.’

‘You’re strong, you can do it.’

I don’t feel strong. Especially when I have to take a pill to sleep. Especially when I can no longer feed my baby the way I would prefer, because the medication makes me too drowsy.

Because my mind is too stuck on a loop about feeding being the cause of Master X,

Not settling

Not sleeping

Not playing independently

Ironically, since beginning weaning last week, there has been

NO improvement.

Perhaps Master X has inherited my anxiety (but really it is learn, because anxiety cannot be inherited). A health professional so adeptly pointed this out to us when Master X was a month old,

‘That, that there. That nuzzling and searching furiously. That is anxiety.’

Great, my feet are doing that thing again. The twist thing that I have recently noticed they do when there is tension (?). It is a new thing they do. Like my legs bouncing.

Jittery.

So I am blogging, in the hope that it allays the negativity about not being strong enough, so that I can return to reading my book whilst the medication works.

We went to be bed at 9.30pm. I tried music, breathing, counting from 1000, then turned on the light to complete some puzzles and use the breast pump (are you not tired of this repetition and no sleep? I am).

 This was literally the puzzle I randomly selected first to complete before dinner earlier this evening. 

So now I am attempting to clear my head by writing here, to try and independently do this shut down business so that Mr. A can sleep.

Oh and it is okay Master X. is still asleep. I checked he was breathing when I got up to use the breastpump.

And Happy New Year Mr. A. Although leading up to it, it seems much like the previous one.

If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide please contact Lifeline immediately 13 11 14


4 thoughts on “Trying to sleep with new medication at New Year

  1. Gosh what a terrible thing for a nurse to say! That is not anxiety in a baby – it is normal in a baby!! I teach infant development at uni 😉 Everything you write about shows love for you baby and deep doubt of yourself. But you are trying and doing your absolute best. And I saw your next post and whoever told you your bub is too skinny – Bah! His legs look lovely ❤

    Like

  2. I agree with everything Curious and Curiouser said.

    I’ve not met X, but to be honest, please remember that those mummies who have babies who settle, sleep and play independently at this age are lucky, and are not the norm. Doesn’t make it any easier though, does it? xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey, it might be a while before you see this but you ARE strong because you are here, blogging, connecting, loving, keeping going. Keeping going makes you strong. Just keep going xxx (and incidentally X seems pretty chilled to me – I have no idea why a MACH nurse would say that!)

    Liked by 1 person

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