Left: What have I done wrong? (produces more milk, is painful)
Right: Thank goodness we are stopping, what a relief! (stops producing milk, is comparatively comfortable)
I want to tell my breasts that they have done nothing wrong as I stand in the shower at 6am (awoken moments earlier than Master X. due to the painful left breast) and attempt to let the water ease the engorgement. A friend recounted for me that when they had their babies, they would stand under the shower and let the milk flow to release the discomfort.
Why is my milk not flowing?
Ah, gentle massage. Now the right breast is flowing. The left breast is seemingly stoic, holding onto the milk; trying to figure out how it can make up for whatever damage it has done, by producing more milk.
My poor breasts.
Yesterday they were
I explained to my mother and Mr. A. last night that this feels like a break-up. It was an epic love. I wonder how the essence in my breasts feel about this sudden ending.
(I am attempting to write this post quickly as I have just taken the extra Risperidone and am not sure how eloquent I will be in the next thirty minutes).
I am drinking tea. I typically drink decaffeinated coffee in the mornings (due to my anxiety, I cannot consume caffeine as it makes me shake, heart beat faster and my anxiety is instantly elevated), however tea seemed more fitting on this morning.
A morning of grief, a mourning of milk.
If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide please contact Lifeline immediately 13 11 14