Whew, I am feeling a bit queasy this evening. Not sure if it was the wheat in my lunch today, or trying to read the phone in a moving car on the way back from our outing today. Or perhaps it is just tiredness for we did not have our usual downtime or rest period today.
(In hindsight, it is likely the fault of that delicious rock cake I had at five o’clock. Damn lactose intolerance).
Master X and myself did in fact make it out of the house, and even out of town today, with the support of my mum and sister. I am proud of the collaborative effort. Especially when it came time for the ONE feed that was required.
The exciting 2pm feed.
It was Master X and mine first time out without the breast. Needless to say I was nervous, and I eagerly- but maybe hastily- packed two bags; our shopping bag, and the car bag. The shopping bag was a small tote that held just the essentials : two nappies, a change-table liner and a set of spare clothes. The car bag was a large grey, sports-styled backpack that contained further nappies, clothes and – for the first time today since we had to mixed feed Master X when he was one month old- his milk feed.
I packed, checked and further evaluated the car bag carefully, as it contained our essentials for feeding,
- Formula in powdered form in bottle (check)
- Flask/thermos with the exact amount of boiled water required (check)
- Teat (check – oh, hang on there are no sterile teats, so I will just pop some in boiled water…)
We enjoyed a lovely lunch at the club. Mum and I pondered over the mouth watering menu, debating over the Surf n’ Turf, lamb cutlets, or seafood (by the way, they also had tantalising vegetarian). I decided on a rump steak whilst mum and my sister selected the crumbed lamb cutlets. I considered the cutlets, however thought that given that I was due to begin menstruating some point soon due to stopping breastfeeding, that the red meat would be a good choice (yes, I know that lamb is also a source of red meat, but my brain did not think of that at the time. I am merely being honest about my present moment thought process).
Upon completion of our meals at approximately one thirty, I said ‘shall we feed Master X now, even though it is a bit early, because it is comfortable here?’. We all agreed, and my sister made a start to reluctantly exit the air-conditioned club (it was over thirty degrees celsius outside), to gather the necessary items for the feed. And just as she was about the leave her chair I exclaimed,
‘Oh, the teats!’
And so the whole business began to fall apart and bottle feeding seemed an insurmountable task. Especially when we managed to push Master X hurriedly out of the club and into the heat so that we could go to the store to buy teats.
I open the back of the car to load the stroller and subsequently decide to check if perhaps I had subconsciously packed a teat. No teat. In the process of looking however, I discover to my horror that the items in the backpack were wet.
The thermos/flask with the water for Master X’s feed had leaked.
Okay, so I may have overreacted, but my brain started to do flips.
‘We have to go home, NOW’, I urge my mum. Home, mind you was at least an hour away from our location.
‘Don’t be silly. We’ll get some water from somewhere else,’ she replied.
‘But it has to be boiling water mum, or the bacteria will grow,’ the tension in my voice was beginning to show by the increased pitch.
Mum directs my sister to take the flask inside the club to ask for water. (Taking a sick break here, sorry. What is this?!?!?)
The calm resolution of my mum and my sister’s willingness to assist, resulted in boiling water i the flask, ready for the feed.
Now, for the teat. I arranged with mum and my sister to meet in the Parent Room at the shopping plaza, and that I would purchase the teat. Well, I was quite proud when some TWENTY MINUTES later I decided on a teat. I mean, there were not really that many choices, but it took quite while for my brain to sort out that actually, I had to invest in an entire bottle set as teats were not sold ready-to-go on to bottles. Additionally, the time that it took for my brain to process such a simple task could lead one to think that I was being asked to present a thesis on the matter.
Therefore, my proud moment for today was successfully bottle feeding my son for the first time in public amidst not one, but two integral but absent ingredients.
I am now going to relax and revel in the moment- thank you- whilst deeply inhaling the lovely scent of the ageing cabbage leaves that adorn my breasts, and listening to the wailing of my mum trying to get an overtired Master X to sleep whilst I intermittently run to the bathroom.
I have a feeling it is going to be a fun night…
If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide please contact Lifeline immediately 13 11 14