Well, that was a challenging night. We had a couple of wake-ups from Master X (or was it four wake-ups?) and we didn’t
make it collapse into bed until about eleven o’clock. I was quite upset, again about breastfeeding, but also about my weight gain (oh, I need to take my medication. Dang, why do I keep forgetting it! Okay sorted that out now). Little did I know that above being tired, I had also somehow managed to get myself sunburnt yesterday. I think this kind of physical damage indicates heat tiredness as well, especially as neither Mr. A or myself can recall me being outside in the sun for the burning to occur.
Master X and I are on our first day alone since we tried to come back to Canberra in December, and I am planning to take him to a playgroup this morning- when he wakes up- that is run by Canberra’s Post and Ante Natal Depression Support and Information, or PANDSI. This is a support group in which you can self-identify as having a mood disorder rather than rely on doctor referral. So essentially, anyone in either the ante or post natal periods can access the services.
We went to one of the playgroups just before we left to go back to regional New South Wales again for Christmas. I was fairly wired at the time, and was not successful at talking to anyone bar the support workers. My therapist later suggested that when a mother asks me how I am going today, to elaborate on ‘I’ve had a shit night’. I can see now that such an abrupt answer, plus the minor expletive would not have gone down too well in a playgroup with loads of kids around.
The support workers at PANDSI are simply amazing to talk to. I call them whenever I am in crisis and always have a good outcome of an action plan at the end of it. I only wish that they were available all day every day!
I am a tad nervous about going to the playgroup this morning for the aforementioned episode at our last attempt. But I figure that everyone there is going to be going through their own stuff, which is why they are going to the PANDSI playgroup. So this is my reminder to myself to
- BREATHE (how hard is it R, seriously!??!),
- avoid swear words and instead try using descriptive phrases when asked about how you are going today
- relax and enjoy watching Master X play with other kids (I really do enjoy seeing him interact with other children now, it is quite funny because he is super social and neither Mr A or myself are).
I’m downing a coffee (decaffeinated…. or warm milk cause whats the point in coffee without caffeine) and then packing the car so that we have some chance of leaving. It is going to be our first time out of the house on my own for quite a while as well, now that I think of it. When I was very sick, I would not leave the house very often. I would not even leave the house to go for a walk because I was too anxious of all the things could go wrong, but mainly because I was stuck in the ‘must sleep, why aren’t you sleeping’ loop. Anyway, I can write more about that later. ‘Cause the sun is shining, I have been for a swim in the
pool mud and WE ARE GOING TO THIS PLAYGROUP.