Friday.

I don’t know how I made it through Friday with what I think were flying colours, but it happened. Maybe it was the chocolate, or maybe it was the medication, or it could have been the awesome rainy weather. I packed way too much into my day, I came to that realisation after reading itsamumslife2016 post about her experience.

(I am currently wondering if I should go for a swim, but also not really wondering that much as I have just now, as in this exact moment, taken my medication and it may make me drowsy).

What I had planned for Friday, and how it really turned out:

  • Home nurse visit

Apparently I need the extra support at the moment. It was helpful to talk about formula feeding as I was not sure if we were feeding Master X too much, too many times etc. It was not helpful for settling assistance which is what I was hoping she would stick around for as that seems to be where I get stuck in a cycle the easiest. So I ended up calling Mr. A at work to help me through the morning nap settle as I was wired and could feel the burning up in my body as I began to walk backwards and forwards to the bedroom, deliberating if sleep was required. With his help we had NO issues with settling for sleep. I was so tired and a tad overwhelmed by the nurses visit that all I could amount to was to sit on the couch and watch new episodes of Pretty Little Liars. I just needed to switch off.

It was about this time that y bestie alerted me that she was unfortunately sick so was unable to come by in the afternoon to help out. But I had scheduled an ultrasound on my hips and pubic area for the recurring and at times, severe pain emanating from there since Master X’s birth.

  • Hospital for physio class and ultrasound

I managed to get us out and into the car without too much drama. I prepared a bottle using a new technique from a person who I caught up with earlier in the week.

  1. 1/2 bottle cooled boiled water
  2. Thermos with hot boiled water
  3. Small bottle with powder
  4. TEAT!

(Master X is asleep now. Success again!!)

It hit me in the car once I had parked at the hospital. These are going to be new mums, as in mums with very young babies. I did not want to go in. I felt like a failure, not being able to make the class the two times previous due to mastitis and then being at my mum’s. I stopped. I put myself on automatic, but I could hear the thoughts, ‘everyone is going to be looking at you. You are going to seem like such a weirdo’.

I pushed through, figuring that (oh, was that a cry from his bedroom?) I had to go to the ultrasound, and the amount of effort that it took it get out of the house when my brain was looping, that I should just go in to the class.

We managed it. Then upon entry I was slammed with about four women, looking blissful and breastfeeding their babies. Fuck this.

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Jealousy? Pain? Anger? I am not sure, but I called Mr. A after the SMS because I was feeling very overwhelmed. Even more so as the nurse stated that it was a matter of fact that ‘you only need to stop breastfeeding on lithium’. I interpreted that as ‘you gave up’. I really did not need to to hear that today.

  • Grocery shopping

So I thought on the way home from the hospital, that it would be a great idea to go to Aldi to pick up some things so that we could head off to the coast when Mr. A finishes work. (Yup, he is awake). We did this without too much drama, but I did buy some way out things that we really did not need. Like baby toothbrushes. Yeah, cause we can totally afford to waste money on that sort of stuff.

Sigh.

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I get stuck on getting all the things, doing all the activities. Days cannot be done in halves. Shopping trips must be all encompassing. When I got home from the shopping trip I realised that I had also managed to hang pictures on the walls, tidy Master X’s room, do two loads of washing, write, read… It is like i just switch into a mode of automaticity and don’t even realise that I am doing everything. The best way to describe it is like the Pacman game, only the trolls are all the thoughts, and the things that I have to eat are all the tasks that I MUST do to escape the thoughts.

And I run, I run really fast all day.

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Mummuddlingthrough

4 thoughts on “Friday.

  1. Well done Hun. We must always remember to pat ourselves on the back and recall the feeling of accomplishment when we have done just one of those tasks we have set ourselves that day. Even if it is one of those days of getting up and getting dressed. Each time we do this we feel stronger . When you break your leg you wouldn’t go and run a marathon when the cast was removed would you? We would go slowly, take some exercise, physio, pain relief. That’s how we should see our recovery.

    Like

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