#pndSolidarity feature : Welcome to the club by itsamumslife2016

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I am privileged on this quiet Canberra evening to be able to post this guest blog by warrior mum Charlotte. I asked Charlotte to write a post for this page because:

I am starting a new section on my blog to collate survivor stories. I want (need) to believe that there has to be some reason for all this shit that I am going through and want a ‘happy’ place on the blog that I (and others) can look at for ‘light at the end of the dark tunnel’ stories.

Charlotte helps run a support group for women with postnatal depression and recently started a blog called itsamumslife2016 to share her stories and beautiful poems about her postnatal illness so that other mother know that they are not alone.

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Welcome to the Club

I’m honoured and humbled to write as a guest blogger, having only started a month ago. I suffered from postnatal illness after having my children who are now 6&4 as well as dealing with the every day journey of being a mum I still have depression and anxiety. My journey has led me to meet and become friends with some amazing mums both online and in real life. A bit like when you move from being single to become a member of the Mr & Mrs Club, when you become a mum you are suddenly launched into the world of parenting and all the ups and downs, until you have become a parent you can never know what is and isn’t said.
Most of us hide behind telling friends anecdotal stories of parenting and hindsight is a wonderful way of making light of what could have been a very stressful situation. I myself can find myself having the most horrendous parenting moment which completely floored me yet a week later I can be retelling the account of that stressful moment laughing over a coffee. Yet at the time I was crying in the corner.
Being a fully fledged signed up member to the mummy pnd club is something entirely different. In the beginning membership to this is almost secret., you keep it to yourself and think that your membership is entirely exclusive to you. Until you meet others either online or in person who then say I’m in that club too, you feel so alone. When I finally realised what I was going through and that there are others like me it felt like such a relief. I see it in their words on the screen, I see it in their body language at my support groups and I feel it in their hugs and whispers in my ear of “I’ve found it so hard too”.
With anything it’s only when you have been through a life changing situation that you can feel total empathy with someone who is going through the same thing. Illness, bereavement, mental illness, trauma. That’s not to wish that anyone else goes through the same thing so that they know how living your life has been. It makes me feel empowered to share my experiences with others and inspired that what I say or write can have an impact on someone else. But ultimately when sharing how you feel or what you’ve gone through means that someone else doesn’t feel alone in their situation then I feel thankful that I found my #pndfamily

Congratulations it’s a girl. Congratulations you’re a mum
Congratulations the old you is gone
Congratulations?
The old me was fun.

Where did I go?
What did I become?
Oh yes I remember
I became a mum
The reflection stares back
The reflection can’t hide
That sole destroying look
That you see in your eyes
I see it in others
When they think they can hide
But I know that look
I’ve seen it from the inside
Pnd didn’t hit me
It swept me over like a wave
The tide coming in
I hid in my cave
A love like no other
For the one you have born
You feel lost and broken
Alone and so torn
Surrounded by people
But feeling alone
Crumbling inside
For the seeds you have sown.
A glimmer of hope
In the grey clouds of your world
Like the first bud of Spring
You’re a flower unfurled
Doubts can creep in
But you brush them away
For you are fighting your fight
Not turning away
Embrace who you are
Embrace who you’ve become
You are an amazing woman
Now you’re a mum.

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My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
A Bit Of Everything

13 thoughts on “#pndSolidarity feature : Welcome to the club by itsamumslife2016

  1. Where did I go, what did I become….. those lines bring back some very powerful memories. I was a young first time mum, only 21, the shock of losing my identity completely was aweful. I felt like a discarded piece of wrapping paper, the attention I recieved from everyone when I was pregnant dissapeared as the ‘present’ (baby) had emerged from the wrapper (me).
    Thabks for sharing this with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

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  2. Post-natal depression I sometimes think is the sanest response to the shock and challenges that come with parenting. I like your poem and would like it be a bit longer actually. Keep speaking out – it always helps others

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  3. Reblogged this on itsamumslife2016 and commented:
    was honoured and humbled to be asked to write something for the Become Mum blog. This lovely Australian Mum is currently on your Pnd journey with adorable Master X and wanted to find and share the hope in reading about other mums and their Pnd journey’s.

    Like

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