a weighty topic

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My breasts are now smaller than my gut. This realisation is doing wonders for my self-esteem. And I felt pretty good going in to see my doctor today. Although Master X was a bit sick, I considered that I was going pretty well. Until the bomb was dropped.


 

So, how are you finding the weight gain on the Risperidone?

Well I am eating more than normal. I just can’t seem to get over this empty feeling.

Hmmmm, yes I noticed when you walked in. You look different and it has not been that long since we have seen each other.

Great. Thanks. Yes. Weight gain. Mr. A and I have priorities – head, pelvis, weight…

Yes, well, the thing is. The more weight you gain, the more pain in your pelvis!

Yes, I know;

And the longer you keep the weight the harder it will be for you to lose


It was at this point that I jumped ever so enthusiastically on the scales. Eighty-nine kilograms. Fifteen kilograms over pre-baby weight, and five kilograms over post-baby weight. It might not seem that much, but it is two dress sizes. So that means that I currently have three wardrobes, but only one which actually fits. This weight gain is a super expensive venture. All the clothes, all the food. I now feel as though I should go for a swim this evening when Mr. A gets home from work, but the desire is just not there. It is more of a ‘chore’ and an adult action that I definitely do not have the urge to do now that I know that I visibly look larger.

I somewhat enjoy the cycling, but we are unable to do that this week as we had to return the baby support insert because it was for the wrong model. Swimming just makes me feel more unfit. All that blubber blubbering around in the water bobbing and bloating like a whale. Although whales typically don’t flutter like my thighs do. And the attire probably does not help. I am still wearing my post-baby breastfeeding-friendly two piece so the memories and slightly saggier breasts are reminders of the things that hang around in my dark closet of depression.

So I guess my option is to stop eating so much. However the earth shattering degrees of my conscience tell me to just stop eating altogether.

I don’t think that will last long.

Perhaps I’ll just go and have a glass of wine instead.


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