So no, I have not been writing or reading. I have been wallowing in this feeling. Well wallowing is not really a fair word to use, it is more like drowning? I wake up, it is there. I go to sleep and it is there. I go out and it does seem to dissipate which is why I am spending most of my waking hours out of the house. Distraction. Company.
In group this week they talked about the highs and lows of recovery and indicated that perhaps I am in a low, but assured me to not be anxious as I will not go as far down as my lowest point.
Well, it would be hard to have another psychotic episode on anti-psychotics, I would hope. I am also taking anti-depressants so I shouldn’t be depressed, and the anti-psychotics are in fact also for anxiety so I have that base covered. Although perhaps not enough? I realised that I am anxious about staying at home. As in being in the house all day. With a sooky baby. With this crappy feeling in my stomach.
Sorry that I have not been reading your blogs. Being out all day stops me from being able to be as active as I usually am online. Alas leaving the house is good, so please don’t worry. I am working through it, this new space and this new uninvited feeling. I will get there. I will just take time… and I’m told, patience.