Lithium means regular blood tests. I mean pin cushion frequency to begin with, once per week, once per fortnight. I am now at once per month which means my veins have some time to recover between punctures. It is pretty painless despite the fasting. And except for the early days when my veins were still traumatised and I had to grit my teeth to bear the insertion of the needle into a well worn point on my arm. The crook of my elbow appeared like a junkie’s, bruised, swollen and attention grabbing as I desperately tried to hide the evidence. I know this because I have a close family member who is a junkie. But the difference is that I don’t get anything from the insertion of the needles!
As I mentioned yesterday, I forgot my medication this week. I was at work, talking with a colleague about my psychosis (as you do) and we were discussing anti depressants. They too are on Zoloft and we compared our experiences, although mine if course is clouded by the other medications but it was still good to normalise the process of medication. We had common ground. We both knew the depths of depression. My jaw is shaking. I notice a tremor in my hands. I can feel chemicals in my brain. I realise my thoughts are racing.
I forgot my medication.
I immediately became aware of a sensation akin to lightheadedness. I needed to get home. I didn’t even have my Ativan handy to tide me over. I was stuck. Falling into a loop.
I did get home, took some sick leave until my medication began to work. Adulting is hard. So much responsibility and the consequences of forgetting are drastic. Even in a such a short time. It made me realise though that the idea of stopping the medication that I had been toying with was unrealistic, un-adulting and irresponsible. Plus at the moment I like my head screwed on and stable.