I have been blogging for over 5 years now across two platforms and with 5 blogs. This blog is by far the committed that I have been to writing, and even then I took about 6 months off! I find writing cathartic and a way to express myself during times when I often find I am at a loss to do so verbally. Writing allows me time and space to mull over ideas, events and conversations to get the most out of them and propel me forward in life. I also find writing is a great medium by which I can remind myself of what I need to do like the recent post about positive resources for pregnancy or the self-care Saturday series. This type of recollection I think, builds resilience and independence. A lot of my illness creates a sense of dependence on Mr A and blogging helps to move me forward from this.
Sometimes I find it difficult to write and end up writing lists or brief reflections that seem inconsequential at the time but in themselves also ensure that this practice of daily writing (for the next couple of weeks) and later on bi-weekly blog posts, continue. When I start to allow myself excuses for not writing, I know that the trigger for the initial writing spree has ended and perhaps it is time to find some new methods of stimulation. Going outside can help with inspiration, especially as a person who is happy to sit in her hotel room and write on a beautiful day in Melbourne rather than walk the city streets. Part of this is laziness,and another part is anxiety however the main reason for not venturing outside is a fear of putting in effort and not getting anything in return. However I did venture outside today (you’ll be pleased to know, I am sure), propelled by my yearning to write something with consequence, meaning and hope, but then realised that on this occasion, the photos do better justice then my words would be able to.
The beauty of actively writing a blog again is that it triggers me to not only see but rather appreciate things that would otherwise just flit by my gaze. Like the turn of a girl’s head as she crosses a busy street, or Master X’s antics which always change and give scope for content, or the beauty in the weather. These points form a story of observation, giving added meaning to life and a broader vision for what could be in the future. Blogging is an outlet and a reminder for me to stop, take stock, recall and move forward to new spaces. It helps me get over transgressions, see things in a new way and also connect with a community through ideas and activities that builds a more stable base. As people who are parenting with mental illness know, it can be hard to stay grounded and see the picture clearly through the fog of illness and disorder, and blogging allows me an opening to be accepted for who I am while making progress to become who I want to be.