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I have written a lot about being tired recently. Mainly from the sleepless toddler, but not about my aching body. I am still working what is for me a full-time load of four days a week. I stopped travelling about a month ago and have been grounded in an office, daily, since that time. I initially really struggled being in the office full-time and not going out to engage in the important networking side of my job, but am now appreciating the reduction in pelvic pain since my last trip. I think it has also been good for Master 22 months having his mum around, and he is almost back to calling me ‘mum’ and Mr A ‘dad’. But it has been a long road of reminders, shared caring responsibilities and general relationship building on our one day a week together.
So I am sitting on the bed enjoying the sound of Mr A read stories to Master X in efforts to get him to go to sleep. I should be cleaning up the toys or doing something but my body is so heavy tonight that all I can fathom is being in close proximity to my pillow-dream-slumber heaven otherwise known as bed. I struggle to sleep most nights due to pelvic dysfunction pain but I have managed to convince Mr A that the pain in my pelvis and itchy belly from stretching is so irritating and painful that they warrant a massage, most days. I notice a difference the following day in my pain levels, however today I did the stupid thing of not taking a break at work. A break for me consists of laying on my back with my legs resting on a chair to stretch out my spine and pelvis. I also use this opportunity to play some London Grammar and meditate, or attempt to, or let my thoughts drift to the baby and the upcoming birth. 31 weeks. 36-37 week predicted birth. Only a little over a month to go.
I have stopped reducing my medications and have stayed on the 1000mg of lithium but have reduced to 5mg for Olanzapine as I was getting really blurry and finding it difficult to wake in the morning on the higher 10-15mg dose. I have not had any symptoms of a hypomanic episode, but am not really expecting there to be much change until the birthing hormones kick in. I would LOVE to be medication free for the birth because the hormones gave me such strength last time so I am not sure how to labour with anything deadening their effect. Of course this also means that the hormones are quite potent in the after effect for me, and this is why bub and I will be in hospital for five days following the birth. I am kind of looking forward to this period as I am envisaging food being prepared for me, no cleaning, time for Mr A to prepare the house and our support roster, and support for my medications. I am however reluctant about the amount of oversight I will experience from midwives and doctors and we definitely did not have a good time in hospital following the birth last time, even though it was for less than twelve hours. The sheer number of interruptions from midwives and support workers- whew!
I am focusing on getting through these last few weeks trying to enjoy our non-sleeping toddler as much as I can, get in those special mum and and Master X moments, cuddles and kisses, embrace my 35kg weight gain as part of the beauty of pregnancy and just massage these ever multiplying stretch marks with understanding and compassion, brace myself for another psychiatrist appointment (which I am mentally avoiding. I was not able to get in to see a private one so I am stuck with this lot), try and clean up the place and get it ready for the inevitable hunkering down that happens after a new bub enters the family… AND try to love the whole experience.
Oh, and drink as much orange juice as I like. I just cannot seem to get enough of that stuff this week!